A Navigator's Lament
by DenizenofTwilight
Summary: Penelo faced more than the Empire and Feolthanos on her journeys. She also faced the fear of losing Vaan. Vaan sought freedom and closure in the skies. How could the down to Earth girl ever fit into his future?


**Warning: There are undoubtedly typos in this story. If you cannot stand any sort of errors…well, don't read. I suppose…**

**Spoilers for XII and Revenant Wings.**

**A Navigator's Lament **

1.

Penelo remembers it like it was yesterday: the first time Vaan mentioned he wanted to be a sky pirate. It was that exact same day that Vaan met Kytes for the first time. Though she'd never mention it to anyone else… she wonders if meeting Kytes is what sparked it. Kytes (Kites), both have to do with flying. Kytes wants to be a sky pirate too.

2.

Penelo is staring at her dirty hands when she stumbles into Vaan one day. The dancer had been working all morning to help Migelo move crates. It'd be a lie to say that her hands didn't display her hard work. As she'd looked at them, she'd been unable to escape thoughts of the war. She remembered all too well when she used to have calluses from sword training with her brothers. She wishes all evidence of wear and tear would just go away. But Vaan's not looking at the damage or at her. Vaan looks to the sky and mumbles something about mechanics and an airship he sees. Penelo recognizes then that they both want to run away. However, Penelo's dreams are grounded while Vaan's are in the clouds. Penelo's losing him.

3.

"What's up with your hair?" Vaan asks Penelo one day after she's styled it differently.

Penelo smiles at her fellow orphan, but can give him no real answer. "I guess I just wanted to try something new."

Vaan snorts and can't even face her when he says, "I've had enough new developments to last a lifetime." Penelo knows Vaan well enough to know his meaning is something behind his words.

Later that night, Penelo—while trying to sleep—finally realizes why she's tied her hair up in high braids. Her new hairstyle is higher up than any other she's had on her head. If Vaan's going to be looking at the sky… well, Penelo wants him to see just a little of her.

4.

Penelo—filled with a joy she hasn't experienced in a long time—smiles at Vaan and Balthier's antics. Balthier may be mildly annoyed with Vaan, but it's Penelo that realizes that Balthier is Vaan's dream come true. Penelo wonders if Balthier would be so short tempered with Vaan if he knew. Vaan looks up to Balthier. But Penelo finds herself looking up to Fran. Fran is the partner of _her _sky pirate. Penelo feels hope for once that Vaan's dreams won't leave her behind.

5.

"I fear I have not been very accommodating with Vaan."

Penelo (who'd just been talking to Vaan) can only stare incomprehensibly at Ashe's confusing words. Shaking her head to regain her focus, Penelo apologizes and asks Ashe to repeat herself.

The former Princess of Dalmasca smiles albeit stressfully. And Penelo wonders if she'll ever see Ashe truly happy. "He spoke to me about his dreams of being a sky pirate. He seems to believe it was his form of running away."

Penelo is a bit shocked by Ashe's words. Penelo had feared that Vaan would forever remain blind to the torment he hid _himself_ from. Though Penelo is saddened by the pain Vaan is no doubt going through, she knows to face it is the only way Vaan can heal.

"Vaan was a great help to me when he explained such things. But I fear I had no advice to offer him. You need talk to him, Penelo."

"Of course, Majesty." Penelo answers without wait. Penelo could easily handle Vaan.

And though Ashe couldn't handle Vaan… she seems to understand Balthier quite well.

It seems to Penelo that she and Vaan aren't only similar to Balthier and Fran, but Balthier and Ashe as well.

6.

The adventure had been so much that Penelo hadn't been able to find the time to talk to Vaan.

And it was when they were in the presence of the Gran Kiltias Anastasis that Penelo realized she should have _found_ time.

After Al-Cid had told Larsa of his father's unfortunate demise, no one had been able to think anything through clearly.

Still… Vaan had walked over to Larsa and put a hand on the younger boy's shoulder. "When I become a sky pirate you can choose where we all go first."

Vaan's tone sounded haunted and Penelo wondered if even _he_ knew what he was saying. Penelo realized then that Vaan's dream had shifted. He wasn't running away anymore.

He wanted to use a sky pirate's freedom to set things right.

7.

There was no telling if Balthier and Fran would make it out of the _Bahamut_ alive or not. Penelo normally would have persisted that they not leave without their comrades.

But when Balthier had ordered Vaan to fly the _Strahl_ out of there, things had changed. Vaan went into sky pirate mode, but Penelo had found herself going into Navigator mode.

The seasoned girl tried not to smile at the prospect of dreams coming true. At least not with so much still unclear.

But when Vaan didn't even doubt that Balthier and Fran would come out unscathed… well, Penelo did smile then.

Somehow Vaan had become more optimistic than she. Penelo wonders if it were _Vaan _she should have been worrying about.

With Vaan's newfound hope lighting the way, Penelo knows that nothing would be impossible for them anymore.

8.

It was through a tickle fight aboard the _Galbana _that Vaan admits that Penelo's idea of log entries is a good one. "You're right. The kids don't really get what it all means. And your log entries will probably let them see the bigger picture."

Penelo raises an eyebrow and pokes Vaan's side in mock hurt. "_Probably_?"

With a groan Vaan admits, "Fine they'll definitely work. But don't expect _me_ to pour my heart out. I'm not as bad as they are."

"Because your worse." Penelo giggles outright, but upon seeing _Vaan's _"hurt" expression, Penelo decides to give him an inch. "At least you're not running away anymore."

"Yeah…" And it's the way Vaan trails off, the way that he suddenly sounds so serious that Penelo realizes maybe things aren't as settled as she'd thought.

9.

Saying goodbye to Llyud is too much for Penelo. But saying goodbye to all of Lemures (their second home for a good while) is harder still.

Vaan is quick to come to her aid: putting a reassuring arm around her as she wipes her tears away.

At one point Vaan's fingers get tangled in her hair. She can practically hear the wheels turning in his head. "Your hair's more down."

Penelo rolls her eyes. "Real eloquent, Vaan."

Penelo is truly shocked when he says, "Your old hairstyle was for me wasn't it?"

Is it possible that Vaan's not as hopeless as she'd thought? She leans further into his arms as if to say, "Yes."

A large smile spreads across Penelo's face and it's not just for the promise of seeing Llyud again.

10.

Years later—after the duo has had their first adventures in Ivalice, Lemures, and many adventures after that—Vaan and Penelo lie awake and just revel in that they're still together. No disease, war, or adventure has separated them.

It isn't the first time that they've marveled at each other. But it's the first time that Vaan can finally see it all clearly. "I wasn't running away from you, you know."

Penelo leans on her elbow and tries to see her husband better through the dimming moonlight.

"I realize now I was running _to_ you."

Penelo ponders turning the light on, but thinks better of it. She doesn't want to distract him from whatever he's mulling over.

"You were running away too, Penelo. You were always doing so much for all of our friends, and even all of Ivalice. But more than that you remained optimistic.

"But with the light you encased yourself in, you couldn't see the darkness that was right in front of you."

And all of a sudden the truth of Vaan's words sink into Penelo's skin. He's _right_. She'd accused him of hiding before, but really it had been her. He'd been running away and Penelo had _hidden _away.

As if continuing Penelo's thought, Vaan adds, "I thought that if I became a sky pirate my airship could cast a shadow down on that light. I thought I could find _you_ that way."

Penelo smiles what may be the most meaningful one to ever cross her face. Wrapping up in her husband's arms she says, "The problem was that we were looking for each other when we didn't need to be. We were always with each other."

It needn't be spoken that they always would be too. Their lives had taught them to fear losing what you had. But if you held on too tightly you obscured some of the view of your loved one.

Between the sky and land, Vaan and Penelo found a space where they could truly be together with no illusions.

-/-/-/-

**Author's Note: **Inspired by lack of sleep and sunflowerb's: Crypt1c X Th1rt33n. Fun fact: There are ten sections and the letters in Vaan and Penelo's names add up to be ten. And if it wasn't clear, Penelo's changed hairstyle is the one she wore all throughout the XII game. Also, this fic was originally written as a Christmas present for the lovely Qwi-Xux. Hope you all enjoyed it. May the light guide you.

-Shanna


End file.
